If I spill my heart out and admit my most honest thoughts, shame and judgement shall not affect me, right? If I am open I am free. If people choose to be critical I am free because I was genuine. I admit there's alot wrong, and I see that in me and everybody else. I admit that I am not okay. If you refuse to see me as a person, if you shrink me into your own perception that will never be me. Because I am changing, I am growing I am dying. My langauge cannot properly communicate my humanity. I fear judgement for my most honest expression, but I express it to be free of that shame. If there is more to answer to, I will answer to it. I have never told a thought that wasn't to genuinely process what is going on inside my mind. There is an end goal to this- an end goal to my work. I see it. So please, introspect. Do not hide. Do not fear the false perceptions of others. Do your work. Dream. Dream of a better world.

So there's a lot going on with me right now. I am survivor. I took a journey to make new memories, to experience the beauty of the desert again with all the bad shit. And now it's all happening. Everything around me is moving again. I am fighting with my shadows. This blog is for me. This blog is unfinished. I will blog and make art until I reach the end. Until I am something better and more whole than this.

I used to travel with more people. People who didn't know how to travel. I got kidnapped and isolated and trapped and then raped. I was abused alongside my friend. I was raped for 6 months nearly every day and it only got worse as it went on. I want to share my story so I can feel. I got trapped in a city and became numb. There are many people who took care of me. I will become everything I said I will so I can give my love back to them. Everybody is always caught up with their own shit now. We all just want to take care of each other, right? Will you admit that we all just want every body to be okay? At least us. The queer collective of us. We want to be okay. We want to survive. I watch people attack eachother. Their own shit exploding out. I am exploding! I want to be considered. I want to be okay. I want to stop fighting. I want people to know me, and not the false perception of me. I can swear I am all these things but I have to show them. I have humanity. You have humanity. Start with the assumption we are all connected.

I just have to keep writing. If I keep writing all of this will be moved. My mind will be free. I just have to keep writing. I know the things I do are silly. I know the thoughts I hold on to protect myself. I use my will to let go of all of them. I can only tell the truth while I'm weeping. Emotions are more truth than words. Can we trace back what really happened? Can we heal?

Welcome to my blog. This is for me. For me to write anything. For me to be me. This is where I shine. This is where I allow myself to exist. And anybody can read the dialouge in my head. It is psychotic, it is deluded, it is toxic. The world enters a new age. Psychosis flows through the entire world. I am not the body, I am not the mind. This dialouge is something passing through me, an experience.

Right now, I am triggered and reminded of the event. I have flashbacks and I have these strong feelings about people I care about and people I used to care about. I breath, I let it go. I let go of my grudge. I refuse to fall in to a pit.

I don't care what you want to see. I don't care what you want me to be. Welcome to the show. I am angry, I am traumatized, I am strong, I am expressive, I am art.

I'm bipolar :) and im proud. because I am still alive. Because I did everything to survive. Because I do everything I can. And I do too much. And this is too much. But I don't care. I breath, I let go. I will write beautiful stories and I will make puppets to show everyone. Reader- what do you think you've found, and how?

Let's make a better world! Let's dream a better world! I want to find people who want to do this work with me and make art! Release! Realize we are one! Anybody you hurt, you don't forgive, that is a part of yourself.

Fuck it hurts. Say it with me, it hurts. And we are tired. And we are suffering. We are not alone. We are never alone. We are scared. We are in part, fear. But we are also everything else.

Love everyone, love everything. Thanks for reading. contact me at pomoanimator@proton.me

can you tell theres at least 3 voices in my head writing at once?