ENTRY 04232026

OPOMO HERE, finally on a computer keyboard instead of a phone. I LOVE THE LIBRARY!

I am back in the city going north from the desert. The way up here took alot out of me. I slept on a boat for a few days. I think the best traveling sequence I've done yet is boat, to bus, to train. I find this really fun recently. As well, the dreams I've had have been very beneficial and more expansive. I have gotten into a habit of remembering my dreams every single night without having to touch my journal or phone. Neither do I overprocess them anymore.

Occasionally, I get on a trend of entering REM sleep for about 10 hours every night 3 nights in a row and then I will become severely depressed. I believe the cause of many dreams is extra serotonin becoming reprocessed in REM. (Put in the best words I have at the time, but undefined) As well as other neurochems with attention towards adrenaline, melatonin and DMT. During this lucid dream binge I will experience absurdist dreams and spiritual interactions until it delves into terrors. When I re-enter the waking world I will lose my dreams for some amount of time and become suicidally depressed.

I only find fascination in this experience once I recover. It becomes unproductive to overprocess in an attempt of lucidity because I will use up all the serotonin in my brain. This experience puts into context the effects of SSRIs and the lack of dreaming caused from anti-psychotics. Dreams are so important for the health of these neurochemicals that exist in your brain.

Once, when I was in the Logan Utah Library I found a book. Unfortunately, I can't remember the title and have never found it again. But it was photos of nature and science taken microscopically. In this book as well was some neurochemicals, adrenaline and serotonin. I have since found similar photos on a New York Times article.

Upon another search, I have found this from the Florida State University

They look like how they feel. There is an unspoken langauge of symbology existing in the chemical network pathways of our brain. There is light inside the grey and pink meat. The simple scientifical explanation of dreams has always annoyed me. It is just random brain activity, they say, it is not worth paying attention to. It has always seemed more complicated and fascinating to me than that.

I wish I could've finished school. For my want to be in a lab and be a researcher, but also glad because of my hate for the explotation the institution requires to exist. I want to go back to school often but I find way more lessons to be learnt on the road. I do not want to be warm everyday, I do not want to be full everyday, I do not want to be told what to think. I want the edge of discomfort so I do not forget the edge of comfort.

Serotonin is the "happy chemical" and is a carrier of knowledge through the neuro pathways.

I exist in the sea of knowledge and information. I know the sea and I have learnt the skills to traverse it.

This is a visual of melatonin crystals. The chemical most responsible for entering REM sleep and sleep paralysis. Melatonin is the gateway to dreams.

In conclusion, I am doing quite well now! It may be a little bit til I'm in a library again and I don't know if others will have the resources like this to where I can type again. But for the time being, I have access to a keyboard. That is a game changer. I can maybe even connect my wacom tablet and practice animation again. I am very happy about this and I am glad I am okay. It has been a lot recenetly. Stay tuned, dream on!