5 days of physical journaling

observations

This dream journal streak peaks on the 4th day and delves into depression in the last. I am trying to track the processing of serotonin, structures, and what the deal is with the morphing people in my dreams

June 11th

memory structure: the street i grew up on

Full of conversation in the basement of my childhood home, conversations aren't logged or in my memory. It says that we left, assuming the group I was hanging out with, (non speecific people but engaging me in deep processing conversations) to the street across the house which had a black family with kids living in and trash on the floor

I was calling one of my friends and teleported via the phone call into the city. Then I was with somebody. nobody specific at first, who than morphed into another friend who wanted to me back home

June 12th

memory structure: this platform seems to be disconnected from anything outside. labyrinth like and the story leads into this house structure

"there was this mall world... and some kind of housing i was living in i remember people there ive known through all different kinds of periods of my life some of them i actively struggled to remember

---

we all seemed to support this house off the mall and ppl who were visiting were coming through
to slabbers, to philidelphians, to peoole i barely remember ffom elementary school were all in this bedroom like space

its a specific void like space that morphs in my head
there was this odd part were people were trying to make art and i had this large pretty baby blue conch with ribbon tied in the middle and on the ribbon were a couple bells and metal trinkets
i kept pouring microplastics everywhere, like the plastic beading ud find in a bean bag, just all over it and everything
idk why but that feels like my brain
ive been sleeping in and really tired and have a hard time thinking really good im not sure how to break out of this delirious absurd state ive been in"

I ended up on the floor, surrounded by all these familiar faces being cuddled by a morphing entity. First appearing as a old man who was dancing with me and then appearing much younger. I could not really move or speak on my thoughts and he was making me very uncomfortable and inviting me closer. I felt uncomfortable around all these people watching me and what he was doing. I can only relate this experience to PTSD...

NOTE: A repetitive theme is these spiritual objects made completely out of association and are like nothing I've ever seen in reality

June 13th

memory structure: unspecified comfy town outside a major city

I was living in the outskirts of a big city in a house the reminded me of a cabin. Unlike yesterday, I was surrounded by things outside. The streets were full of people and I could move and talk much easier. I remember going camping but everything from that point is delirious, so the memories don't quite stick. I remember two tents, one smaller that I was in and catching up with a friend whose around here. Very positive.

I returned to the cabin, I never visualized the inside. Just looking out the window, and I heard talk of a plane crashing and I saw it in the sky coming towards me. It fell sooner, and crashed closer to the center of the city. I covered my ears and closed my eyes as I heard the explosion and opened them to a blast going through the streets.e I ran out and there was people in parachutes coming out the sky. I met some new friends who gave me a had a nice chat. I was walking aroud town, then, and took a little bit of an adderall and I could move with full energy almost immediately after and ran at full speed so freely.

NOTE: Through a build up of energy and adrenaline I manage to break out of the delirium

June 14th

memory structure: expansive, seem to be a combination of the different platforms from before

I went on a bumble date and stayed over and her boyfriend came over so I pretended we were just hanging out. Then my eldest sister was there. I wanted to go home. She wanted to go swimming. And we all got dragged to a "rave" which was kind of just this "theory" seminar my bumble date was doing.

Then I found out one of my friends was in the hospital. Like PENN hospital and I get with a crew to see her. She is on the 23rd floor and the stairs and bridges inside are so confusing

I'm following a familiar friend but get lost behind her and everyone ends up congregating on the floor around me. Some other kids I saw in Pittsburgh begin to show up. A sweetie is talking to me about hopping out with them and everyone else is talking about how much color is in all of their hair. All these kid's hair are multi-colored.

When patients came out a large majority of people waiting begin to applaud. Someone is talking about how they applaud cops but wouldn't applaud for a woman who had a miscarriage. Another familiar friend is sitting next to me and puts on a youtube video everyone around us seems to enjoy. My other friend is an the left side of me now replacing who was there before and sends me a video about how it became the world's best throatsinger and then i could beat her(?)

I hide this "private convo" from the friend on my right side who get's sad

I get in someone's car and can't find my wallet but i have my phone which tells me the last used place of my card is at the bumble's date house. The people who are giving me a ride are doordashing and I give up on finding my phone(?) If this sounds confusing it is because it is.

The cars on the road are driving like CRAZY but not hitting eachother. The color and shape and movement of the cars are very vivid

June 15th

memory structure: expanding on the platform before. including cities and roads and friends...

"i always get a song stuck in my head afterwards."

"while the dream starts to fade but it was so vivid and colorful and emotional"

I logged this in my journal before I fell back asleep

I woke up and fell back asleep quite a few times, each with a new vivid vision.

"It's hard to describe. There's an on the road section. All of it's fucking crazy. I get stuck for 40 minutes thinking of a grindr profile. Everything feels disgusting. I hate my choices up to this point. I need to make drastic emotional changes"

Chemical Observations

These dreamlogs were taken over the course of a manic episode. I think I want to start doing weekly logs including what happened during waking reality with observation to hallucinations. To be completely aware and lucid is the goal