i'm going to get older

the way i feel now will pass and i will get older. i have so many more things than i did a year before. i crawl my way back to everything i had before. i have everything i said i needed.

i will get older and these thoughts and memories will fade from my body ...

i feel like after all these years my art hasn't changed at all. at some point i was even better at rendering and kicking out some frame by frame. i can do it again but better, as i get older

these memories will fade away, that old summer day will go away... that day will fade away... all of this will decay...

i'll kick some songs out on my banjo and paint on my walls and i'll never have to feel lonely again. i will let go of all this grief. i will hold my accomplishments and i will smile as i have before.

i'm going to get older

i'm going to get older

when i feel that i am near death, i sing. when i am all alone and i'm high enough to feel reality slip away from my breathing beating body into a state of death, i sing. i begin to hum a tune, in a desperate attempt to cling

i'm going to get older

i'm going to get older

and so now when i panic, i hum the same

i'm going to get older

the white noise you reach when all the pain pours out at once just so it isn't all inside, the kind you crave for when the memories reach your head again, the relief and the release of the white noise where all the pain is there at once so it all sort of blends into one feeling of bliss and fries everything left of your nervous system-

i'll say it again, i don't want to be addicted to this

i don't want another cigarette, i don't want a beer, i don't want a bump

and maybe then i'll deny it again

and then i'll feel everything that follows

instead i will go so hard I will never do it again

release

but i don't wanna die,

and i'm going to resist the release

I'm going to get older